Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I Never Knew It Would Feel Like This

I grew up an only child, but I am not an only. I have, what most people call, a half-brother. We share the same father, but not the same mother. (My kids like to call him my "brotha from anotha motha" LOL).

But in our eyes, not having the same mother makes us no less brother and sister. We look alike, we think alike, we feel a lot of the same things and even though we were kept apart for far too many years, it is amazing how many ways we are alike. We like the same foods, the same candy, the same pop. We do things alike without even realizing it. We even both made the same wrong turn one night while not seeing the other one make the mistake first!

When I was 10 and my brother was 3 we were kept apart for the next 7 years. We already lived 865 miles apart. Wasn't that bad enough? After those seven years it was still very sporadic contact. But a few years ago we rekindled our relationship and it is now stronger than it's ever been. I love him fiercly and can't wait to spend time with him and talk to him and do things together. The only problem is? There are 385.06 miles seperating us. Yes, exaclty that far.

And what did he go and do but make me an aunt. A real, 100%, blood-related aunt. I've been an aunt 8 times over on my step-dads side and 11 times over from Sweetie's family and I absolutely LOVE it. I love all my neices and nephews in a very special, deep way and would do anything for them. I love when they climb up into my lap and give me those precious hugs and kisses. I love when the older ones talk with me about things going on in their lives and I love being there for them.

But OH. MY. GOODNESS. I never, in a million years, have ever felt such a strong, passionate love for anything (next to my own children, of course) like I did the first time I held my new baby neice in my arms last week. As soon as I picked her up the tears poured (from me, not her). I can't describe it. It's unlike anything I have ever felt before.

I wanted to sit and hold her and just stare at her for days on end, and I would have if my darn kids would have left me alone and quit bugging me to hold her themselves! Sheesh. I gave her at least a million and one kisses the four days she was here. I got to feed her, change her, lotion her, bath her, and get up with her during the night. Words can not describe to you how much love and joy filled my heart just being able to do those things.

When they pulled out of our driveway to return home, I could not stop the tears that came. I know I'll see them again in a few months (hopefully), but that's not soon enough. Babies grow and change so fast and I don't want to miss a thing! I want to take her shopping and tickle her little belly and smother her with kisses. I want to let her mommy and daddy get some much-needed sleep and get up with her at night again. I want to give her a bath and cuddle her little yummy, lotioned body up against mine. I want to take loads of pictures and I want my kids to play with her and I want to watch her grow, day-by-day.

I'm so thankful that my brother and I are now making up for lost time, but visiting once every few months is just not enough. Sure we talk on the phone and chat on-line, but it's not the same as being able to look at each other while talking, giving each other a hug or a pat (which we both do often), or simply being close.

I also love being a new big sister to my brother's fiance! I daydream about her and I taking day-long shopping trips or helping her decorate her living room or getting a phone call asking how to cook something. She's 14 years younger than me and while I desperatly don't want to sound like a know-it-all to her and try really hard not to, I love giving her tips or advice or maybe just some encouragement, you know, "been-there-done-that, here's what we did, it'll be ok" type of stuff.

Sigh... just thinking about them gets me all choked up again. The only family I've really ever had is my mom and then my step-dad's family. Once I married Sweetie, of course, I inherited his wonderful family and I couldn't have hand-picked a better one to become a part of. But it's still not the same. I see him and his siblings interact and talk and laugh and cut-up and my heart aches for that with my own brother.

Who knows. Maybe the opportunity will come for them to move here some day. It's been discussed several times, but it's a big step. Leaving family, finding a job and a place to live. You know, all that silly important stuff.

So what's the point of me telling you all of this? I don't know really. Just needing to get it all out maybe. Or maybe to explain why I am posting so many pictures of my new baby neice. She is the most perfect and beautiful thing I've ever held, next to my own children of course, and I want to share her precious face with everybody! Plus, she pretties up my blog, dontcha think?

See that adorable, soft, ducky fleece blanket she's laying on? Yep. Her favorite aunt made that for her, thankyouverymuch.

See! Doesn't she look like she belongs in the country more than the city?

Mmm mmm... don't you just love those precious baby kisses? This isn't me, it's mommy, but don't worry, I definitely got my share!

This, however, is me with her. I was loving those adorable little chipmunk cheeks and making funny faces with them. I promise, it was much funnier in person.

However, I don't think she really needs my help to make funny faces. Looks like she's got it down pretty good!


Tricia said...

ahh, what a doll! There is nothing more adorable in all the earth than a new baby!

Sheri said...

Just precious! Enjoy your new niece!